Oh Dear! It's been a while since either Rachel or I have posted, huh? Hopefully we will not be so negletful in the future!
The Holiday Season always makes me think of all the things that I am grateful for, and this year I have been spending a lot of time thinking about how grateful I am for the fact that I can run, and wanting to commit myself to remembering that on a daily basis.
My sister ran her first marathon, The Marine Corps Marathon, this year. I have to admit, I was jealous of her an her commitment and ability - especially as she ran her marathon at a faster pace than I run 5ks! Unfortunately, she hurt herself during the marathon, and currently is unable to run per doctors orders. Bye Bye Jealousy!!!!
Anyhow - I am trying to think of ways to make sure to keep my ability to run in perspective as I get back on training for The Disney Princess Half Marathon on my birthday. Yeah, I just took two weeks off of training because of the holidays and being busy. Yeah, I am slow as molasses. But seriously! I can run! I ran 3 miles, walked a half, and ran 3 miles on my last run. There were many years that I could not do this because of ability and/or health reasons. I ran a half marathon in less than 3 hours! I am training to run another! Those are entirely amazing things!
I plan to remind myself of these things every time I start to get down about my times/slow buildup/having people around me who are SOOOO much "better" (read: faster, able to run longer) than me. Just as with other things, I think this will take time and commitment to turn this into a habit. I think I will post a sticky at my computer so when I upload my runs (with my new garmin with gps!!!) to my computer it will remind me to be gentle/remind myself of how awesome my body is. Other ideas would be greatly appreciated!!!
So.... to practice in the here and now.... I am grateful for the following things:
My lungs which provide me oxygen to breath, to run, to live.
My asthma meds which help my lungs to do the afforementioned tasks.
My legs that allow me to play with my puppies, climb stairs, etc, etc
My arms that allow me to pick up children, hug my husband, and generally be an independant adult.
My job, which allows me to help people while earning a paycheck that helps me to live a lifestyle I enjoy
My friends, family, and peers who are supportive and awesome in all sorts of crazy ways.
My health, both mental and physical. While I have my issues, I am in no way shape or form debilitated, and that is amazing, and a blessing.
I am grateful that I am a runner. I am grateful that I am a wife and a daughter and a sister. I am grateful that I am awesome.
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Lessons Learned
Isn't it funny how, when you have total access to everything, you don't realize how great that is? Funny how you don't want to do something when you can, but the second you're told you can't you want it so badly?? That's my life right now.
I have a pretty nasty back injury, and have had it for about 5 weeks. For the first month or so, it came & went and I kind of self-prescribed no high impact exercise and kept telling myself it would get better. Heating pad, icy hot, hot tub, the stretching I could do, and some Ibuprofen would be all I needed! I determined I could walk & strength train and work on things that way. I walked only 2x a week for those 4 weeks, though, and strength trained a grand total of once- didn't exactly follow my own prescription (doctors ARE the worst patients... even non-medical docs)! So this week, after feeling pretty crappy about myself and having more and more negative body image thoughts, I said "Self! This is the week! You're going to follow your plan! Woo!" Monday night and the strength training class I had said I would do all month came up again, and this time I went. I was determined to focus on form and use light weights and thus all would be lovely.
To quote the infamous Ron White "I was WRONG- you ever been wrong? It happened to me."
I had light weights and perfect form all night, but guess what? Dead lifts when you have a back injury are just a bad idea. Monday night was rough, let's just say. Tuesday morning, though, was worse.
After a visit to Urgent Care, I was the proud "owner" of three new kinds of pills and a serious prescription from the doc: No weightlifting. No running. No treadmill. No elliptical. Walking outside only, with a "maybe" stamp on water aerobics- but no swimming.
I told y'all that story to tell y'all this- I plan to never again take movement for granted. The simplest things, such as rolling over in bed, are excruciating right now. Sitting down and standing up take a lot of work, and every time I do either I look like I must be pregnant. Leaning over the sink enough to spit toothpaste into the bowl is hurtful. Basically, every step of my day lets me know "don't take this for granted again." Because it could be gone any moment.
The other lesson I'm learning? Find a plethora of ways to feel good about yourself and have quality time with yourself. I feel sexiest after a good run. I can't do that right now. I haven't been doing it consistently for some time. Guess how I have not been feeling? The silver lining to this back injury (well, it's maybe a fuzzy gray lining) is that I'm being forced to find ways to feel better about my body without either 1) falling back on default or 2) blaming my lack of sexiness on lack of motivation and going for a one-time workout as a band-aid. Finding true ways to love and appreciate my body outside of exercise is a wonderful thing to do, and I'm glad I'm doing it.
I just wish it didn't take something quite this painful to get me to open my eyes to all that.
I have a pretty nasty back injury, and have had it for about 5 weeks. For the first month or so, it came & went and I kind of self-prescribed no high impact exercise and kept telling myself it would get better. Heating pad, icy hot, hot tub, the stretching I could do, and some Ibuprofen would be all I needed! I determined I could walk & strength train and work on things that way. I walked only 2x a week for those 4 weeks, though, and strength trained a grand total of once- didn't exactly follow my own prescription (doctors ARE the worst patients... even non-medical docs)! So this week, after feeling pretty crappy about myself and having more and more negative body image thoughts, I said "Self! This is the week! You're going to follow your plan! Woo!" Monday night and the strength training class I had said I would do all month came up again, and this time I went. I was determined to focus on form and use light weights and thus all would be lovely.
To quote the infamous Ron White "I was WRONG- you ever been wrong? It happened to me."
I had light weights and perfect form all night, but guess what? Dead lifts when you have a back injury are just a bad idea. Monday night was rough, let's just say. Tuesday morning, though, was worse.
After a visit to Urgent Care, I was the proud "owner" of three new kinds of pills and a serious prescription from the doc: No weightlifting. No running. No treadmill. No elliptical. Walking outside only, with a "maybe" stamp on water aerobics- but no swimming.
I told y'all that story to tell y'all this- I plan to never again take movement for granted. The simplest things, such as rolling over in bed, are excruciating right now. Sitting down and standing up take a lot of work, and every time I do either I look like I must be pregnant. Leaning over the sink enough to spit toothpaste into the bowl is hurtful. Basically, every step of my day lets me know "don't take this for granted again." Because it could be gone any moment.
The other lesson I'm learning? Find a plethora of ways to feel good about yourself and have quality time with yourself. I feel sexiest after a good run. I can't do that right now. I haven't been doing it consistently for some time. Guess how I have not been feeling? The silver lining to this back injury (well, it's maybe a fuzzy gray lining) is that I'm being forced to find ways to feel better about my body without either 1) falling back on default or 2) blaming my lack of sexiness on lack of motivation and going for a one-time workout as a band-aid. Finding true ways to love and appreciate my body outside of exercise is a wonderful thing to do, and I'm glad I'm doing it.
I just wish it didn't take something quite this painful to get me to open my eyes to all that.
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
My Ego vs. My Self
Hello neglected blog & audience! Sorry about the neglect- life has been a bit crazed lately. I've had a post in my head for ages, and am finally taking the time to put it here, in actual words and with development and everything.
Some time ago, my good friend Jim (one of our two "members"- Hi Jim!!) linked me to some blogs about the Ego as it relates to a form of martial arts he practices. Knowing that I'm both a psychologist and a legit psychology nerd, he figured that I'd be into it. Unsurprisingly, he was correct.
Let me take a psychobabble second to explain what I mean by "Ego"- for me & in terms of this blog entry, I mean those beliefs and thoughts and values that make up what a person considers their identity. The Self, however, is that and more- it's what you feel moment to moment, it's your body, it's who you are when all the trimmings are stripped away. These words mean different things to different people, but that's what they mean for me.
Ideally, these two entities would be in line with each other. I don't know about you all, but I never can quite seem to live in my ideal world. And my Ego and my Self are REALLY fighting each other right now.
My Ego wants me to run. My Ego is pointing out how much I love running in this weather, how beautiful it is outside, and (frequently) how I was doing "so good" last year/earlier this year. My Ego also likes to, on occasion, take extra judgmental notice of my midsection. My Ego is just absolutely ripe with "shoulds" and "oughts" and thus, my Ego is shoulding all over my Self.
My Self hurts. My Self knows that my body is giving me a GREAT BIG MESSAGE of importance. My Self repeatedly remembers my doctrine of living a life by the Health at Every Size principles and knows that, when possible, I like to practice what I spend my life preaching. My Self also holds it pretty well when my inability to be perfect at anything (because I am, after all, quite human) spins up. My Self knows that it's time to take a break from running, but that this doesn't remove any kind of "fitness" identity from my Ego- it just augments it. And my Self knows that who I am is in no way defined by how I look. My Self also knows that the joys and benefits I get from physical fitness have <5% to do with what my body looks like.
But the battle going on in my head is tough right now. My Ego and my Self agree on one thing- I wish I could be running. But I've got to honor my Self and allow some flexibility in my Ego. Each time I've tried to start running over the past month and a half, something has gone quite awry in my body. It's time to change up what I do, and re-adjust my Ego once more. Particularly as my Ego's judgments of my current lack of running ability are prohibiting me, in many ways, from doing other things that WILL help my body and that I DO enjoy.
My Self has not given up on running- not by a long shot. But my Self does recognize that if I keep giving into my Ego's demands, I may not be able to happily do much of any physical activity, much less continue running. So it's time for a break and yet... I am STILL a runner. At least until absolutely proven otherwise!
Some time ago, my good friend Jim (one of our two "members"- Hi Jim!!) linked me to some blogs about the Ego as it relates to a form of martial arts he practices. Knowing that I'm both a psychologist and a legit psychology nerd, he figured that I'd be into it. Unsurprisingly, he was correct.
Let me take a psychobabble second to explain what I mean by "Ego"- for me & in terms of this blog entry, I mean those beliefs and thoughts and values that make up what a person considers their identity. The Self, however, is that and more- it's what you feel moment to moment, it's your body, it's who you are when all the trimmings are stripped away. These words mean different things to different people, but that's what they mean for me.
Ideally, these two entities would be in line with each other. I don't know about you all, but I never can quite seem to live in my ideal world. And my Ego and my Self are REALLY fighting each other right now.
My Ego wants me to run. My Ego is pointing out how much I love running in this weather, how beautiful it is outside, and (frequently) how I was doing "so good" last year/earlier this year. My Ego also likes to, on occasion, take extra judgmental notice of my midsection. My Ego is just absolutely ripe with "shoulds" and "oughts" and thus, my Ego is shoulding all over my Self.
My Self hurts. My Self knows that my body is giving me a GREAT BIG MESSAGE of importance. My Self repeatedly remembers my doctrine of living a life by the Health at Every Size principles and knows that, when possible, I like to practice what I spend my life preaching. My Self also holds it pretty well when my inability to be perfect at anything (because I am, after all, quite human) spins up. My Self knows that it's time to take a break from running, but that this doesn't remove any kind of "fitness" identity from my Ego- it just augments it. And my Self knows that who I am is in no way defined by how I look. My Self also knows that the joys and benefits I get from physical fitness have <5% to do with what my body looks like.
But the battle going on in my head is tough right now. My Ego and my Self agree on one thing- I wish I could be running. But I've got to honor my Self and allow some flexibility in my Ego. Each time I've tried to start running over the past month and a half, something has gone quite awry in my body. It's time to change up what I do, and re-adjust my Ego once more. Particularly as my Ego's judgments of my current lack of running ability are prohibiting me, in many ways, from doing other things that WILL help my body and that I DO enjoy.
My Self has not given up on running- not by a long shot. But my Self does recognize that if I keep giving into my Ego's demands, I may not be able to happily do much of any physical activity, much less continue running. So it's time for a break and yet... I am STILL a runner. At least until absolutely proven otherwise!
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Maybe I AM Still a Runner
Yesterday, I ran my first race since March. In March I ran a half-marathon (well, ran & walked- but ran more of it!). Yesterday, I struggled through a 5k.
In the time between the two, I've struggled tremendously to get any sort of running motivation going. It's been HARD to go out and train. And I've gotten upset with myself, frequently, for how far down I've fallen- that in March I ran well over half of that 13.1 miles and now, just a mere 6 months later, I struggle to run a solid mile. And it's all pretty much my own fault, although I like to blame it on other things (i.e., the heat wave, my knees, "I just needed a break from it"). Really, it boils down to being incredibly inconsistent in my running. Had I taken only 1 week off of running post-half, I have a feeling I would have run yesterday's race straight through, hills or no hills (AND OMG WERE THERE EVER HILLS)!
But there was only one reason I did yesterday's race- to see if I could reinvigorate my running spirit. To find out if "runner" really is something that lies within me. I'm so very happy to say that, yes, I AM a runner. I felt myself WANTING to try to muscle it up those hills. And when I zoomed across the finish line (if only I could run the whole race like I run the last .1!!), I felt elated, strong, and ready to train again.
A big part of me wishes that I had waited to run my first race at a time when my running buddies (including my fabulous co-blogger) could join me, as there is nothing quite like running a race with friends, but I knew to strike while the iron is hot. And while I feel in many ways as though I am starting from scratch, I know that isn't true. The first time I ever ran (many many moons ago) was on a treadmill in a gym in South Florida. I couldn't eek out even a quarter mile at a slow pace then. I couldn't go 1 minute at that point, really. Yesterday, even though I was woefully under-trained, I managed a solid quarter mile up a hill and then some for my first run- and then I ran many more times throughout the race, often for longer stretches than .25 miles. And, um, this was outside- NOT on the treadmill!
So even when it feels like you're starting over AGAIN on the SAME goal- you're not. Even when it feels like everything you've worked for is gone- it's not. That applies in running, and it applies in life. No matter how many times you have to start and stop and start again- you benefit from them ALL. And when something deep inside you says "You want to do this- you want to BE this".... listen. No matter how far away that goal might feel, that voice is your truth.
Now I'm going to go find another race. Hopefully one my lovely running sisters can join me on. Because while I AM still a runner all by myself- it'll be better with my friends.
In the time between the two, I've struggled tremendously to get any sort of running motivation going. It's been HARD to go out and train. And I've gotten upset with myself, frequently, for how far down I've fallen- that in March I ran well over half of that 13.1 miles and now, just a mere 6 months later, I struggle to run a solid mile. And it's all pretty much my own fault, although I like to blame it on other things (i.e., the heat wave, my knees, "I just needed a break from it"). Really, it boils down to being incredibly inconsistent in my running. Had I taken only 1 week off of running post-half, I have a feeling I would have run yesterday's race straight through, hills or no hills (AND OMG WERE THERE EVER HILLS)!
But there was only one reason I did yesterday's race- to see if I could reinvigorate my running spirit. To find out if "runner" really is something that lies within me. I'm so very happy to say that, yes, I AM a runner. I felt myself WANTING to try to muscle it up those hills. And when I zoomed across the finish line (if only I could run the whole race like I run the last .1!!), I felt elated, strong, and ready to train again.
A big part of me wishes that I had waited to run my first race at a time when my running buddies (including my fabulous co-blogger) could join me, as there is nothing quite like running a race with friends, but I knew to strike while the iron is hot. And while I feel in many ways as though I am starting from scratch, I know that isn't true. The first time I ever ran (many many moons ago) was on a treadmill in a gym in South Florida. I couldn't eek out even a quarter mile at a slow pace then. I couldn't go 1 minute at that point, really. Yesterday, even though I was woefully under-trained, I managed a solid quarter mile up a hill and then some for my first run- and then I ran many more times throughout the race, often for longer stretches than .25 miles. And, um, this was outside- NOT on the treadmill!
So even when it feels like you're starting over AGAIN on the SAME goal- you're not. Even when it feels like everything you've worked for is gone- it's not. That applies in running, and it applies in life. No matter how many times you have to start and stop and start again- you benefit from them ALL. And when something deep inside you says "You want to do this- you want to BE this".... listen. No matter how far away that goal might feel, that voice is your truth.
Now I'm going to go find another race. Hopefully one my lovely running sisters can join me on. Because while I AM still a runner all by myself- it'll be better with my friends.
Sunday, September 18, 2011
The Beach has Been Reached.
This weekend was pretty crazy – crazy in a good way, that is. I spent the weekend with all of the krazy kids (of all ages) from City Year New Hampshire at Reach The Beach, participating as a runner for the first time. It was a harrowing event, for sure – fraught with a stinky van of runners in various stages of sleep deprivation and subsequent caffeination, worries (mainly from me) about not being able to complete assigned legs and “letting down the team”, and a tire that no one was REALLY sure would make it until the end of the race. Add in the (rather unexpected, judging from the clothing we all brought) SNOW, a last minute change in course because of Hurricane Irene, and a few missed hand-offs, and it was, indeed, an experience.
Here is where I wax sentimental about City Year. Basically, the young men and women that serve in City Year are some of the most AMAZING people I have had the pleasure of knowing. I kind of forgot that having been away for several years and having had a rather difficulty service year. Seriously, though. Being around the open, generous, heartful, positive, wonderful culture that is City Year and City Year Alum was amazing. Despite being by FAR the slowest person on my team (our team came in with an average pace of 9:04 as the preliminary results have been posted, and my average speed was probably about 13 min… ) The camaraderie, support, and love was all there. Even on my run that started at 4:30, my team was there, cheering me on – everyone got up from their sleep to see me off and cheer me back in on all of my legs, knowing I needed the support. I got congrats and I got TRULY positive feedback, because we were all there to have fun and to do some crazy race that some crazy person dreamed up. Sure. It would be nice to have a good time. To finish better than CYNH had every finished before (which we actually managed to do), but more importantly, we were there for each other. We bonded over shared experiences (the corps and running), and enjoyed each others’ company. I would happily let anyone that I rode with crash on my couch, so long as they still wanted to after meeting my crazy dogs. I was offered more couches, beds, and spare floor space than I could possibly take up in one weekend when I headed up here unsure of what my plans were as far as sleeping arrangements. That’s the thing about City Year. The people who are involved with it, and especially those who stay involved with it or close to it once they have finished their time as a corps member are so giving, caring, and helpful; someone who falls into that category has an automatic “vouch” from CY as far as their trustworthiness. I felt perfectly comfortable sleeping on a strangers couch, and they felt perfectly comfortable having another one of the runners let me in after they were asleep and letting me crash at their house. This is a rare thing in this day and age.
I served in CYNH in the 07-08 school year. Of the 14 people involved in the team (12 runners and two drivers), 4 were from our year (and we were 4 of the 6 girls involved – yay girl power!), which was just amazing. Of the people who I know where they came from for this event, 2 came up from DC, one from California, I can from North Carolina, and two came from Milwaukee. Wow! It was amazing to see some of the people who came before me and to meet some of the people that came after me. A bunch of people from my corps year were there, and I got to catch up with many of them. Those who are not rocking it out in City Year as Staff members are doing some amazing things to contribute to the world and to the communities that they live in. We have someone working at a college, a few teachers, myself and another mental health worker, several people working for non-profits geared towards bettering educational opportunities for minority youth, some working for the Student Conservation association and I can’t even remember all the other absolutely amazing and giving and caring things that these alum are doing. Yes, I had a difficult corps year. Yes, I ran into (and am still running into) some professional roadblocks because of changes in rules and laws that happened during that year or that I would not have run into if I had not taken a year off after grad school. Having these people in my life, however, makes it all worth it. This weekend really helped me put that back into perspective.
Now for some ramblings on the running and the importance of training properly. Because wow! I was not trained properly! Now, I knew this going in to the event this weekend, but I also knew I made a commitment, and I knew that I hadn’t seen New Hampshire or a lot of my friends from CYNH in over 3 years. So I decided I would go and tough it out. While I don’t regret that decision in any way, shape or form now, maaaaan did I regret that during my first run, which was 5.1 miles. That doesn’t sound too bad despite the fact that I haven’t run more than 3.3 miles in… oh… forever, right? But this was 5.1 miles AND HILLY. The net elevation gain over that 5.1 miles was 144 ft. Again – sounds totally doable, even if you have been training on flat runs. Then you realize that it’s cold. That you have Asthma, and that Asthma isn’t really a fan of a)hills, b)cold air, or c) things it isn’t used to. And that it’s actually running UP 551ft of elevation gain with some reprieve thrown in there to bring the net gain to 144. OOOOPS! Now, my asthma is pretty manageable. I can train it to handle a lot of things (like… oh… running…) though it does sometimes flare up out of the blue and it does slow me down overall I Think. I just really did myself a disservice by not training hills (not much to be done about the weather.) PSA for the day – train for your run! Don’t just train – train for each specific race that you are going to race! If it’s hill – make sure to train some hills. If it is going to be humid, get your butt out and run on humid days! If it is going to be dry and cold – try to find some dry and cold days to go and run! Train, train, train, and listen to your body. If you have to walk, walk. If you have to take a day off, take a day off. Train, Train, Train, and remember to throw some fun in there too. Listen to your body and listen to the “Experts” (i.e., do your research), and you will be much better off on race day for the effort :-)
That’s definitely MY plan for my next big race (in Feb) and… dare I say it? For Reach the Beach 2012.
Here is where I wax sentimental about City Year. Basically, the young men and women that serve in City Year are some of the most AMAZING people I have had the pleasure of knowing. I kind of forgot that having been away for several years and having had a rather difficulty service year. Seriously, though. Being around the open, generous, heartful, positive, wonderful culture that is City Year and City Year Alum was amazing. Despite being by FAR the slowest person on my team (our team came in with an average pace of 9:04 as the preliminary results have been posted, and my average speed was probably about 13 min… ) The camaraderie, support, and love was all there. Even on my run that started at 4:30, my team was there, cheering me on – everyone got up from their sleep to see me off and cheer me back in on all of my legs, knowing I needed the support. I got congrats and I got TRULY positive feedback, because we were all there to have fun and to do some crazy race that some crazy person dreamed up. Sure. It would be nice to have a good time. To finish better than CYNH had every finished before (which we actually managed to do), but more importantly, we were there for each other. We bonded over shared experiences (the corps and running), and enjoyed each others’ company. I would happily let anyone that I rode with crash on my couch, so long as they still wanted to after meeting my crazy dogs. I was offered more couches, beds, and spare floor space than I could possibly take up in one weekend when I headed up here unsure of what my plans were as far as sleeping arrangements. That’s the thing about City Year. The people who are involved with it, and especially those who stay involved with it or close to it once they have finished their time as a corps member are so giving, caring, and helpful; someone who falls into that category has an automatic “vouch” from CY as far as their trustworthiness. I felt perfectly comfortable sleeping on a strangers couch, and they felt perfectly comfortable having another one of the runners let me in after they were asleep and letting me crash at their house. This is a rare thing in this day and age.
I served in CYNH in the 07-08 school year. Of the 14 people involved in the team (12 runners and two drivers), 4 were from our year (and we were 4 of the 6 girls involved – yay girl power!), which was just amazing. Of the people who I know where they came from for this event, 2 came up from DC, one from California, I can from North Carolina, and two came from Milwaukee. Wow! It was amazing to see some of the people who came before me and to meet some of the people that came after me. A bunch of people from my corps year were there, and I got to catch up with many of them. Those who are not rocking it out in City Year as Staff members are doing some amazing things to contribute to the world and to the communities that they live in. We have someone working at a college, a few teachers, myself and another mental health worker, several people working for non-profits geared towards bettering educational opportunities for minority youth, some working for the Student Conservation association and I can’t even remember all the other absolutely amazing and giving and caring things that these alum are doing. Yes, I had a difficult corps year. Yes, I ran into (and am still running into) some professional roadblocks because of changes in rules and laws that happened during that year or that I would not have run into if I had not taken a year off after grad school. Having these people in my life, however, makes it all worth it. This weekend really helped me put that back into perspective.
Now for some ramblings on the running and the importance of training properly. Because wow! I was not trained properly! Now, I knew this going in to the event this weekend, but I also knew I made a commitment, and I knew that I hadn’t seen New Hampshire or a lot of my friends from CYNH in over 3 years. So I decided I would go and tough it out. While I don’t regret that decision in any way, shape or form now, maaaaan did I regret that during my first run, which was 5.1 miles. That doesn’t sound too bad despite the fact that I haven’t run more than 3.3 miles in… oh… forever, right? But this was 5.1 miles AND HILLY. The net elevation gain over that 5.1 miles was 144 ft. Again – sounds totally doable, even if you have been training on flat runs. Then you realize that it’s cold. That you have Asthma, and that Asthma isn’t really a fan of a)hills, b)cold air, or c) things it isn’t used to. And that it’s actually running UP 551ft of elevation gain with some reprieve thrown in there to bring the net gain to 144. OOOOPS! Now, my asthma is pretty manageable. I can train it to handle a lot of things (like… oh… running…) though it does sometimes flare up out of the blue and it does slow me down overall I Think. I just really did myself a disservice by not training hills (not much to be done about the weather.) PSA for the day – train for your run! Don’t just train – train for each specific race that you are going to race! If it’s hill – make sure to train some hills. If it is going to be humid, get your butt out and run on humid days! If it is going to be dry and cold – try to find some dry and cold days to go and run! Train, train, train, and listen to your body. If you have to walk, walk. If you have to take a day off, take a day off. Train, Train, Train, and remember to throw some fun in there too. Listen to your body and listen to the “Experts” (i.e., do your research), and you will be much better off on race day for the effort :-)
That’s definitely MY plan for my next big race (in Feb) and… dare I say it? For Reach the Beach 2012.
Sunday, September 4, 2011
Blisters
Today I went on my longest run in a great long while. I had a distance goal (no speed goal) of 4 miles, and a vague idea that I might try out my understanding of the Galloway method and run for 3 minutes and walk 1 minute for as long as I can. The first half of the run went very well- maintained that ration for 1.75m, then needed to walk a little longer, so planned to switch to a 2:1 ratio. Unfortunately, midway through my first 2:1, right about the 2m mark, my left ankle barked at me that it had a blister.
I tried to walk it off, adjust my position and generally determined to *just deal with it.* I briefly paused to check my ankle and noticed that the band-aid I'd lovingly placed over my blister spot (trying to be pro-active!) had slipped off. Annoyed, I attempted to reapply and adjust my sock and *just keep going.* And the more I tried to just go through it, the more pain I was in- both from the blister and from doing things like walking on my toe, walking on different areas of my foot, and trying to move past it. Finally I broke down and realized I was just gonna have to walk the rest of the way. Even that was too much and finally, I stumbled over to a bench for support and decided to take the still-functioning band-aid off my right ankle and relocate it to my left, hoping it would manage. I tied my shoes extra tight, determining that this would help and, if I had to sacrifice the top of my foot to a bruise from the shoelaces that this would be better than further ripping the skin off my ankle.
Unfortunately, all those things I was doing to try and muscle through the pain made it impossible to run more. The entirety of the second half of the run was a walk- but a power walk. And it got me thinking.
A blister is nothing but a small wound that is insanely irritating. I began to think about what emotional blisters people might have- what small wounds are insanely irritating and effect your choices, even though it seems like they must be tiny. In what ways do people try to deal with those things that ultimately make them worse? And when do people finally realize that maybe, just maybe, it's ok to need support for the small stuff? That it's ok to stop and truly course correct- whether that means sacrificing a goal, sacrificing something else that might be going ok, or sacrificing an innate sense of stubbornness that, perhaps, needed to be sacrificed anyway.
And then maybe you can learn a lesson or two. For instance, I'll now be packing my new Camelback MiniMULE with fresh bandages (nothing like a little coping ahead)- and perhaps doing some reflecting on what emotional "blisters" might be holding me back in other areas of my life- what may need to be "sacrificed" for an overall betterment of my life.
I tried to walk it off, adjust my position and generally determined to *just deal with it.* I briefly paused to check my ankle and noticed that the band-aid I'd lovingly placed over my blister spot (trying to be pro-active!) had slipped off. Annoyed, I attempted to reapply and adjust my sock and *just keep going.* And the more I tried to just go through it, the more pain I was in- both from the blister and from doing things like walking on my toe, walking on different areas of my foot, and trying to move past it. Finally I broke down and realized I was just gonna have to walk the rest of the way. Even that was too much and finally, I stumbled over to a bench for support and decided to take the still-functioning band-aid off my right ankle and relocate it to my left, hoping it would manage. I tied my shoes extra tight, determining that this would help and, if I had to sacrifice the top of my foot to a bruise from the shoelaces that this would be better than further ripping the skin off my ankle.
Unfortunately, all those things I was doing to try and muscle through the pain made it impossible to run more. The entirety of the second half of the run was a walk- but a power walk. And it got me thinking.
A blister is nothing but a small wound that is insanely irritating. I began to think about what emotional blisters people might have- what small wounds are insanely irritating and effect your choices, even though it seems like they must be tiny. In what ways do people try to deal with those things that ultimately make them worse? And when do people finally realize that maybe, just maybe, it's ok to need support for the small stuff? That it's ok to stop and truly course correct- whether that means sacrificing a goal, sacrificing something else that might be going ok, or sacrificing an innate sense of stubbornness that, perhaps, needed to be sacrificed anyway.
And then maybe you can learn a lesson or two. For instance, I'll now be packing my new Camelback MiniMULE with fresh bandages (nothing like a little coping ahead)- and perhaps doing some reflecting on what emotional "blisters" might be holding me back in other areas of my life- what may need to be "sacrificed" for an overall betterment of my life.
Friday, September 2, 2011
Too Pretty to do Homework
My friends, being my friends, often know the sorts of things that I like to get pissed off about, and last night they surely delivered. My good friend Arielle sent me this link last night, and then I saw some other people had posted about it on facebook this morning.
The link and the posts were about this shirt, which came to us thanks to JC Penny:
Now. This didn’t piss me off nearly as much as Urban Outfitters did back in the day…. But I am still pretty appalled. First I should say that J.C. Penny DID do a good job by listening to consumers and listening to consumers quickly. They took the shirt off the shelves rather quickly, and issued an apology statement (or, as close to an apology that you will get from a large retail company.) But I am still appalled that this shirt made it to the racks in the first place.
Let’s think about the messages that this shirt sends.
1. Pretty girls don’t have to do homework
2. Because homework is lame.
3. Boys are good to use for completion of lame tasks. Like homework.
4. Boys are good at school.
5. Because ugly girls are not pretty, they have to do lame tasks
6. Like homework. Ugly girls do homework.
7. So smart girls are ugly.
8. Being pretty is way more important than school.
9. Who really cares about school anyhow?
10. Being interested in school is lame
11. Or at least being interested in school is for boys.
Seriously? Is there no mother or father of a young girl in whatever department of J.C. Penny chooses what they will carry in their stores? Did they not think about what sort of message this is giving a young girl aged 7-14?
End Rant.
The link and the posts were about this shirt, which came to us thanks to JC Penny:
Now. This didn’t piss me off nearly as much as Urban Outfitters did back in the day…. But I am still pretty appalled. First I should say that J.C. Penny DID do a good job by listening to consumers and listening to consumers quickly. They took the shirt off the shelves rather quickly, and issued an apology statement (or, as close to an apology that you will get from a large retail company.) But I am still appalled that this shirt made it to the racks in the first place.
Let’s think about the messages that this shirt sends.
1. Pretty girls don’t have to do homework
2. Because homework is lame.
3. Boys are good to use for completion of lame tasks. Like homework.
4. Boys are good at school.
5. Because ugly girls are not pretty, they have to do lame tasks
6. Like homework. Ugly girls do homework.
7. So smart girls are ugly.
8. Being pretty is way more important than school.
9. Who really cares about school anyhow?
10. Being interested in school is lame
11. Or at least being interested in school is for boys.
Seriously? Is there no mother or father of a young girl in whatever department of J.C. Penny chooses what they will carry in their stores? Did they not think about what sort of message this is giving a young girl aged 7-14?
End Rant.
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Back and Forth, Round and Round
Went on an outdoor run for the first time in a little while this evening. For the past several days, I've thought about so many different blog posts for this rabble rousing blog and most of them revolve around "starting over yet again."
My relationship with running feels like it goes around & around & around. I start... I go... I start improving... and I stop. I start... I go... I start improving... and I stop. Repeat ad nauseum for about 3.5 years. Why I stop is an issue that probably belongs in a personal diary, but what I'd like to talk about here is why I keep going and how, despite the challenges, starting over does get easier every single time. Take tonight, for instance. I'm coming off of 2 weeks minimal exercise at all (illness), but I still managed the majority of my neighborhood loop with only 2 walk breaks and 2.0 miles in less than 30 minutes, which (for me, right now) is great. It gets easier to get back on the horse every single time.
Along with my co-blogger, I work in the (same) mental health field- and with a very specialized population. That job simultaneously keeps me running and makes it hard to go. Sometimes I feel like the things I preach are not the things I practice; other times, I feel they are directly in line. Oftentimes, I remind myself that I, too, am human. I, too, am allowed to struggle with things and thought patterns that maybe, just maybe, aren't entirely effective or healthy. It doesn't actually make me a hypocrite; just a human.
Running has taught me MUCH about myself. But the first and foremost thing that it's taught me (which likely could have been recognized far earlier in my life) is that I am incredibly determined and resilient. Sometimes I may be in a "beginner" running group, sometimes an "intermediate".... but ALWAYS a runner.
I'm excited to explore what that means in this blog. Pardon the rambling (perhaps that can be a fourth "r" for this lovely alliterative blog) as I become accustomed to blogging to a wide audience!
My relationship with running feels like it goes around & around & around. I start... I go... I start improving... and I stop. I start... I go... I start improving... and I stop. Repeat ad nauseum for about 3.5 years. Why I stop is an issue that probably belongs in a personal diary, but what I'd like to talk about here is why I keep going and how, despite the challenges, starting over does get easier every single time. Take tonight, for instance. I'm coming off of 2 weeks minimal exercise at all (illness), but I still managed the majority of my neighborhood loop with only 2 walk breaks and 2.0 miles in less than 30 minutes, which (for me, right now) is great. It gets easier to get back on the horse every single time.
Along with my co-blogger, I work in the (same) mental health field- and with a very specialized population. That job simultaneously keeps me running and makes it hard to go. Sometimes I feel like the things I preach are not the things I practice; other times, I feel they are directly in line. Oftentimes, I remind myself that I, too, am human. I, too, am allowed to struggle with things and thought patterns that maybe, just maybe, aren't entirely effective or healthy. It doesn't actually make me a hypocrite; just a human.
Running has taught me MUCH about myself. But the first and foremost thing that it's taught me (which likely could have been recognized far earlier in my life) is that I am incredibly determined and resilient. Sometimes I may be in a "beginner" running group, sometimes an "intermediate".... but ALWAYS a runner.
I'm excited to explore what that means in this blog. Pardon the rambling (perhaps that can be a fourth "r" for this lovely alliterative blog) as I become accustomed to blogging to a wide audience!
Monday, August 22, 2011
Listen to Your Body
One of the things that we preach at work and try to teach our clients to do is to listen to their bodies. It is also something that I try to do myself - you know, the whole practice what you preach thing? I find it can be a good thing. Credibility and sincerity and all.
I have never really thought of this in a literal sense before now. I took is as a "listen to what your body has to tell you. If it is in pain, it is telling you something. If it is uncomfortable, it is trying to tell you something. If you just listen, your body will help you know what is best for it."
I practice this fairly regularly - especially when it comes to my running. My knee is hurting? I might take some time off. I feel tingly after? I know to drink more. I push myself to achieve my goals, but days like today, when my body and my breath are telling me I am working too hard, I throw my goals out the window and rethink what is realistic.
So? Where is this all going? This is all leading to my trying to figure out how to run without music. I have always run with music. The few times I haven't, I have been with friends, so I have had conversation and company to keep me occupied. I have a race coming up that doesn't allow headphones, though (and actually enforces it, and actually has good reasons for it). So I have started trying to run without headphones, and it's really hard.
Some people swear by running sans music. I have heard all the reasons. It's safer, it lets you be more in tune with your body, it allowes you to be more in touch with nature, etc. And of course there are all the people (my father included) who were runners when there weren't walkmen, diskmen, or ipods. But I have always ran with music. It helps motivate me, it helps distract me, it helps me from getting bored. Sometimes it helps me to slow my pace and not burn myself out (I usually throw a few slower songs on my mix for that reason). It makes me smile (like when the theme song for Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles comes on in the middle of a crazy nasty hill.) When I am not listening to music, I download podcasts of my favorite NPR shows and it allows me to laugh and think and, yes, even sometimes cry. But I have a race where this is not an option. So, I run without music now.
The problem with this is that I have no option but to listen to my body and to me. To listen to the pounding of my feet and the pounding of my heart. To listen to my breath. To listen to the swish of my clothing and the slosh of my water pack. This is really hard for me! The first reason is that it is boring. Man, does that slosh, that swish, that pound pound pound get boring! More importantly, though, is my breathing. When I am forced to listen to it and when I don't have music or a podcast to listen to, I focus on my breath. I hyperfocus on my breath. I lose my natural rythm and then try to force a rythm on myself. 3 steps in 3 steps out? How about 4 each? or 2? Wait? Don't the enigmatic "they" say its supposed to be 3? Well that doesnt really feel right. You can see where this might get even more annoying than being bored by the swish slosh pound that I was listening to before I remembered I was breathing and forgot how to not pay attention to it!
So today was the 4th run I have gone on without my ipod. It DOES seem to be getting somewhat easier. I definitely hyperfocused on my breath during parts of my run, but I managed to fall in and out of it throughout the run. I was still really bored, and really wishing I had music... but Its tolerable. I guess it is never too late to take your own advice. I need to learn how to listen to my body better, and be more comfortable with it. I am not saying I won't go straight back to my ipod when I am done with this race (come on, I will have SO MUCH Wait, Wait Don't Tell Me and This American Life to catch up on!), but I do think that this is a good thing to learn. I will listen to my body - both metaphorically and literally - and be cool with it.
I have never really thought of this in a literal sense before now. I took is as a "listen to what your body has to tell you. If it is in pain, it is telling you something. If it is uncomfortable, it is trying to tell you something. If you just listen, your body will help you know what is best for it."
I practice this fairly regularly - especially when it comes to my running. My knee is hurting? I might take some time off. I feel tingly after? I know to drink more. I push myself to achieve my goals, but days like today, when my body and my breath are telling me I am working too hard, I throw my goals out the window and rethink what is realistic.
So? Where is this all going? This is all leading to my trying to figure out how to run without music. I have always run with music. The few times I haven't, I have been with friends, so I have had conversation and company to keep me occupied. I have a race coming up that doesn't allow headphones, though (and actually enforces it, and actually has good reasons for it). So I have started trying to run without headphones, and it's really hard.
Some people swear by running sans music. I have heard all the reasons. It's safer, it lets you be more in tune with your body, it allowes you to be more in touch with nature, etc. And of course there are all the people (my father included) who were runners when there weren't walkmen, diskmen, or ipods. But I have always ran with music. It helps motivate me, it helps distract me, it helps me from getting bored. Sometimes it helps me to slow my pace and not burn myself out (I usually throw a few slower songs on my mix for that reason). It makes me smile (like when the theme song for Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles comes on in the middle of a crazy nasty hill.) When I am not listening to music, I download podcasts of my favorite NPR shows and it allows me to laugh and think and, yes, even sometimes cry. But I have a race where this is not an option. So, I run without music now.
The problem with this is that I have no option but to listen to my body and to me. To listen to the pounding of my feet and the pounding of my heart. To listen to my breath. To listen to the swish of my clothing and the slosh of my water pack. This is really hard for me! The first reason is that it is boring. Man, does that slosh, that swish, that pound pound pound get boring! More importantly, though, is my breathing. When I am forced to listen to it and when I don't have music or a podcast to listen to, I focus on my breath. I hyperfocus on my breath. I lose my natural rythm and then try to force a rythm on myself. 3 steps in 3 steps out? How about 4 each? or 2? Wait? Don't the enigmatic "they" say its supposed to be 3? Well that doesnt really feel right. You can see where this might get even more annoying than being bored by the swish slosh pound that I was listening to before I remembered I was breathing and forgot how to not pay attention to it!
So today was the 4th run I have gone on without my ipod. It DOES seem to be getting somewhat easier. I definitely hyperfocused on my breath during parts of my run, but I managed to fall in and out of it throughout the run. I was still really bored, and really wishing I had music... but Its tolerable. I guess it is never too late to take your own advice. I need to learn how to listen to my body better, and be more comfortable with it. I am not saying I won't go straight back to my ipod when I am done with this race (come on, I will have SO MUCH Wait, Wait Don't Tell Me and This American Life to catch up on!), but I do think that this is a good thing to learn. I will listen to my body - both metaphorically and literally - and be cool with it.
Saturday, August 20, 2011
The Impetus
This blog has been a long time coming.
First, I guess you could call me an exhibitionist of sorts. I have the strong feeling (despite any real cause to believe so) that I have things to share with the world. Growing up in the age of the internet, the blog is the obvious answer to the conondrum of how to get my voice heard by the masses.
Second, I enjoy being a rabble rouser. While this tendancy has calmed significantly with age, I still think back fondly on protesting the wrongs of the government, pissing off teachers by making sure that "the other side of the story" was given time in class, and generally exposing media BS for what it is - propaganda designed to make us feel bad about ourselves so we think we need to buy more crap.
Third, body image has been a hot button topic for me since I was a youngster. I have struggled with body image throughout most of my life, and working in the mental health field has made my passion for rousing the rabble in this domain even stronger.
Fourth (and lastly for now), Running. Oh, Running. Running and I have a rather sordid history. Running is my frienemy, who I have loved and loathed and wanted in my life and wanted to never see again. My identity as "a runner" has taken me a long time to really feel like I can embrace it. Its an identity I have coveted and eschewed at various points in my life, and one which I know can say "Yeah. Thats part of who I am. Even if I am not so fast or strong or cant run very long. I run enough and think about running enough that I am a runner."
So... Here it is. The beginning of my blog. I have talked with a co-worker of mine about co-blogging with me, so hopefully we will shortly have two contributors!
First, I guess you could call me an exhibitionist of sorts. I have the strong feeling (despite any real cause to believe so) that I have things to share with the world. Growing up in the age of the internet, the blog is the obvious answer to the conondrum of how to get my voice heard by the masses.
Second, I enjoy being a rabble rouser. While this tendancy has calmed significantly with age, I still think back fondly on protesting the wrongs of the government, pissing off teachers by making sure that "the other side of the story" was given time in class, and generally exposing media BS for what it is - propaganda designed to make us feel bad about ourselves so we think we need to buy more crap.
Third, body image has been a hot button topic for me since I was a youngster. I have struggled with body image throughout most of my life, and working in the mental health field has made my passion for rousing the rabble in this domain even stronger.
Fourth (and lastly for now), Running. Oh, Running. Running and I have a rather sordid history. Running is my frienemy, who I have loved and loathed and wanted in my life and wanted to never see again. My identity as "a runner" has taken me a long time to really feel like I can embrace it. Its an identity I have coveted and eschewed at various points in my life, and one which I know can say "Yeah. Thats part of who I am. Even if I am not so fast or strong or cant run very long. I run enough and think about running enough that I am a runner."
So... Here it is. The beginning of my blog. I have talked with a co-worker of mine about co-blogging with me, so hopefully we will shortly have two contributors!
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