Maybe I AM Still a Runner

Yesterday, I ran my first race since March. In March I ran a half-marathon (well, ran & walked- but ran more of it!). Yesterday, I struggled through a 5k.

In the time between the two, I've struggled tremendously to get any sort of running motivation going. It's been HARD to go out and train. And I've gotten upset with myself, frequently, for how far down I've fallen- that in March I ran well over half of that 13.1 miles and now, just a mere 6 months later, I struggle to run a solid mile. And it's all pretty much my own fault, although I like to blame it on other things (i.e., the heat wave, my knees, "I just needed a break from it"). Really, it boils down to being incredibly inconsistent in my running. Had I taken only 1 week off of running post-half, I have a feeling I would have run yesterday's race straight through, hills or no hills (AND OMG WERE THERE EVER HILLS)!

But there was only one reason I did yesterday's race- to see if I could reinvigorate my running spirit. To find out if "runner" really is something that lies within me. I'm so very happy to say that, yes, I AM a runner. I felt myself WANTING to try to muscle it up those hills. And when I zoomed across the finish line (if only I could run the whole race like I run the last .1!!), I felt elated, strong, and ready to train again.

A big part of me wishes that I had waited to run my first race at a time when my running buddies (including my fabulous co-blogger) could join me, as there is nothing quite like running a race with friends, but I knew to strike while the iron is hot. And while I feel in many ways as though I am starting from scratch, I know that isn't true. The first time I ever ran (many many moons ago) was on a treadmill in a gym in South Florida. I couldn't eek out even a quarter mile at a slow pace then. I couldn't go 1 minute at that point, really. Yesterday, even though I was woefully under-trained, I managed a solid quarter mile up a hill and then some for my first run- and then I ran many more times throughout the race, often for longer stretches than .25 miles. And, um, this was outside- NOT on the treadmill!

So even when it feels like you're starting over AGAIN on the SAME goal- you're not. Even when it feels like everything you've worked for is gone- it's not. That applies in running, and it applies in life. No matter how many times you have to start and stop and start again- you benefit from them ALL. And when something deep inside you says "You want to do this- you want to BE this".... listen. No matter how far away that goal might feel, that voice is your truth.

Now I'm going to go find another race. Hopefully one my lovely running sisters can join me on. Because while I AM still a runner all by myself- it'll be better with my friends.