Why I Run Part IV: Vanity

Oatmeal Comic Response Part IV: Vanity

While vanity has been, admittedly, a part of my reason for running at times, it has never really been my primary reason.  I run to feel strong, I run to feel like I am in shape.  I run to improve my cardiovascular endurance for dance and other activities.  I actually get REALLY annoyed with the focus on weight loss and looks.  Would I like to lose some weight right now?  Yes.  Is that why I run?  No.  I certainly didn't expect any major changes in my body when I first began running.  I still LOVE this comic.

I love core work, but I hate crunches.  I love the idea of them being an attempt to head butt ones' crotch.  I find it amazingly humorous.  Amazingly awesomely humorous.  And I will think about it every time I do crunches (which is about once a week.)

I love the idea of falling into something real, something of consequence, even if it's a hole.  Real life hurts sometimes.  Real life isn't always fun.  But it's real.  And it's life. And if you don't do something of consequence, what is it worth?

Please.  Let's not be Baked Potatoes.

Why I Run Part III: Selfishness and the Krakens

Oatmeal Comic Response Part III: Selfishness and the Krakens

While I actually REALLY like paying bills (it's super strange, I know), I totally get this.  I ran 5 miles yesterday and almost 6 today.  This is why I am totally okay with the laundry being undone, the vacuuming undone, and the house in a general state of madness, as it already is.  Despite a significant lack of employment at this point in time.  But it's all good, because I RAN, BITCHES!!!!

This part of the comic also makes me immensely happy, as it reminds me of the feeling I had near the end of my very first half marathon when I turned the corner into the final stretch and SAW THE FINISH LINE!!!!  

One of my friends managed to catch a photo of me in that last stretch, and I can't believe the smile on my face.  It matches how I felt inside, but I am amazed my body even had the energy to use those facial muscles.  Man.  That feeling was AMAZING.  Months of training.  Pain.  Early Mornings.  Rain.  Heat.  Cold.  Dehydration.  Blisters.  Aching Joints.  They were ALL worth it.  They were all worth it and the joy and pride I felt was overwhelming when I saw that finish line and realized that yes - I WOULD actually finish.  I COULD actually do it.  THAT is the feeling that can keep me going.  

I felt the same thing when I crossed the finish line of my second half marathon.  My time may not have been as great, but I was not getting old at 30.  I got up at 4am on my 30th birthday to run a freaking half marathon! I completely assume to feel the same way as I come upon the end of my next half marathon (which I am currently training for, though I haven't actually picked a target race yet, lol!)

Why I Run: The Feeding

Oatmeal Comic Response Part II: The Feeding

So yes.  I DO know runners that are like the first panel.  Who LOVE leafy greens and tofu and chia seeds and green weird smoothies.  I am not one of them.  I am ok with many of those things.  But I also love me a good juicy steak.  I am always up for Taco Bell or for Mexican food.  I don't keep cookies or chocolate in my house as a general rule because I WILL EAT IT ALL.  I ALWAYS want cheese and/or cheese dip. I would probably dip cheese in cheese dip if I thought it would work.  nomnomnomnom.

I love that this person comes out as an "I run to eat" sort of person.  I am TOTALLY a "reward myself with food after a run" sort of person.  I am aware that this is not a super healthy way of thinking about food.  I am also aware that I am in a place in my life where I can do that safely.  I might say "you know, I really want desert, but I have been slacking on my runs.  I probably shouldn't."  But if I have a super mad crazy craving, I will listen to my body.  If there is a celebration, a special occasion, etc, I will certainly partake.  If I have a long run, though, I will also totally reward myself with food.

What I find amusing, however, is that my diet IS affected by my running.  I find I drink less beer and eat less ultra-processed, high-fat, high-salt, fried food when I am running, because I know it will affect my run the next day.  I don't want that all sitting in my stomach as I try to slog out 5 miles plus (which I WILL get back to one day! I am actually planning a 5 mile run today!)  I am less likely to go out (which often means over-eating and drinking beer), on a Friday, because I have to get up to run on Saturday.  I am more likely to eat lean proteins to fuel my run.  I am more likely to eat granola, nuts, or cliff bars because that is what makes sense to have between work and a run.

My sister is a different story.  She has a favorite type of tofu, I am sure.  She has about a million different kale soup and spinach smoothie recipes, I am sure. I am NOT like that.  I will NEVER be like that.  I am TOTALLY okay with that.  This does NOT make me less of a "real" runner.  WTG on dispelling that myth, Oatmeal!

Why I Run: The Blerch

One of these days, internet..... One of these days, I will manage to make this blog the priority that I WANT to make it.

Today, and over the next few days, I want to share a comic that my co-rabble runner shared with me.  It gets inside my head, and I can't believe I never found it earlier.

Part I: The Blerch

Now.  I do NOT run distances like the writer of this comic does.  As you know, my running is on-again-off-again, and the farthest distance I have done is a half marathon.  This will likely be the farthest distance I EVER do.  But this comic speaks truth to my brain.

The Blerch is a part of my life as well.  The Blerch convinces me that it is more important for me to finish watching that NCIS marathon, or to play another round (or 20) of Tetris, or to finish off that bag of chocolate, than it is to run.  The Blerch tells me it's ok if I only run one mile, even if I planned to run 4.  It's too hot.  It's too cold.  It's too rainy.  It's allergy season.  The dry is bad for your asthma.  The Blerch never runs out of reasons.  But when I give in, The Blerch is not silenced.  When I listen to the The Blerch, it also then tells me I am a terrible person and berates me for being lazy.  The Blerch, is, to put it nicely, a world-class jackass.

The Blerch may not shut up when I listen to it.  The Blerch may not be quieted when I am caught in the hands of inertia and cheese dip.  The Blerch is not all-powerful, though.  The Blerch can be outrun.  The Blerch can be silenced.  The Blerch can be outwitted with logic and knowledge. The Blerch can be quieted through self-love and acceptance.  The Blerch can kiss my pale, round, jiggly, tookus.

Beach Bod Barbie

I was really heartened to see that someone took the time and effort to do this.  While I do not know the details, I think it is worth sharing (and worth hoping I will get back on this silly little blog of ours!)

"Real" Barbie

Also? I personally find the real life proportioned doll much more attractive.

Grateful for Human Nature

This is a bit of a delayed post from Thursday.  I recently joined a meetup group for running.  Unfortunately my two best running buds has injuries and I haven't really run with them in... well... way too long.  So I need some new running buddies and I thought it would be a good place to go.  While I had trouble finding an existing run that fit my needs, I decided to start my own :-)  We are doing Couch to 5k and meeting Tues and Thurs mornings, and doing the third run on our own.  Unfortunately, with the holidays and the headaches I mentioned in my previous post, I have missed a few runs and was DREADING this Thursdays run.  By my calculation the two other girls I am running with should have been on Week 4 Day 1 (W4D1).  I had done W3D1, unsuccesfully, and W3D2 more successfully at the gym.  I was DREADING W4D1!!!! I didn't feel ready at all!!!!  Luckily, I am not the only one who falls prey to human nature and my partner needed to be working on week three as well!  Yay!  We did W3D1 (again, for me) and it felt MUCH better this time.  I am planning to do W3D3 this weekend and we will tackle W4D1 on Tuesday.  It's gonna be a killer - 5 min block of solid running.  (oh how the mighty have fallen, lol!)

Shame at the Doctor

Oh dear... is it possible that it's been over a year since either of us posted on this site?  DEAR ME!  Well... new year, new resolve to post!

I have been thinking about posting here for a while, but keep putting it off for various reasons.  Today, however, I am brought to post out of frustration.  I had an experience for the first time in my life today that I know that many women have had.  I have gained some weight pretty quickly over the last few months, which I am aware of, as I am many of the reasons for it.  I have, in fact, already been addressing many of these things because what is behind the weight gain have been things that do not promote a healthy life in general (High stress, not making time to move around enough after starting a new sedentary job, and not making sure to do the things that will help me eat healthily despite my new job - with significant travel between three offices, none of which have a fridge/microwave there has been lots of fast food in my life.)  Did my doctor ask about what I was doing to fight these things?  No.  Did my doctor help me find resources that might help me towards a healthy lifestyle? No.  My doctor told me I should lose weight, and printed out an 1800 Cal Diet for me designed for people with Diabetes (which I do not have.)  She seemed to chalk everything I have been experiencing, including a month of headaches (ugh!) up to weight gain.  Is my Asthma worse?  Is my GERD worse?  Did I know that weight gain can exacerbate joint and muscle pain (despite the fact that my knee pain was WAY worse when I weighed 40 lbs less than I do now)?  You know, weight gain can cause hormonal changes that can cause headaches.  I should really exercise every day and eat an 1800 Cal diet (despite the fact that I know that is not healthy for me – she didn’t ask anything about my dieting history – If she had, she would know that I should not be on a diet that low in Cals.)

What frustrated me MOST today is that I didn’t stand up for myself.  I am an educated woman who knows a lot about eating disorders, health, and exercise.  I have run two half marathons.  I have already noticed my weight gain and am trying to make positive changes in my life (i.e. I finally started running again – I am on week 3 of Couch to 5k right now.)    I am fully aware that I am not my weight.  I understand that my labs are all fine (as they always have been) despite gaining some weight. Even in the moment, before I had the lab results, I had a darned good idea that they would be.  Yet I felt shamed and disempowered.  The anger and frustration didn’t come until I had left the office.  I can only imagine the pain and disempowerment that others have faced in circumstances such as this.  It is a shame that the “war on obesity” has caused even our doctors to reduce people to a number and to reduce any medical complaints to being due to one single thing.

Now... I will note that the doctor that I saw today was NOT my primary care provider. It was another doctor at the practice.  I would like to think that if it were my primary care provider, who I have built a bit of a relationship with (though, honestly, not much), that I may have been more likely to speak up.  But I can't for sure say that I would have.  Alas.  Maybe next time?